why is Conversation Difficult? Can We Find the Perfect Thing to Talk About to Make Everyone Happy?

I've been thinking that probably like many others, I have two kinds of problems when connecting with people: talking to those who love themselves and talking to people with whom you just can't find a common topic of interest. The first challenge is easy to describe but difficult to explain. There are people out there who love nothing other than talking about who they are and what they do. You meet them and if you happen to work or go to school with them, you soon begin to realize that they will either never ask anything about you or if they do, they'll interrupt your answer to talk about themselves again. If you're reading this, maybe you'll think that I feel this way because I have nothing interesting anyone would want to ask about me, but I'll just say that simply when I talk to anyone else, I'll almost always get a reciprocal conversation. The difficulty is wondering why. I've discussed this with another friend, so we don't have much research, but we've found that very often only sons or only daughters tend to be these types of people--attention seeking and self-oriented. But of course I've met some people who do have brothers/sisters and also like to talk about themselves and I know those without siblings who are less self-centered. So it's just a personal observation.

But who cares anyway? So I've been wondering if the near opposite of this is true. That is, maybe some people including myself just find it tough to talk to some people because of the second problem I stated: it's tough to find a common ground. Or without being that extreme, what if we acknowledge that some people love themselves, but maybe you can still find some topic out there that you can still enjoy talking about. Maybe briefly. Maybe not.

But on to the other point and more specifically, do we find talking to some people a waste of time? I've found in life, that I like talking to basically everyone as long as it's eventually in my information gaining interest. To me, more information is good and the more sources of information is all the more useful, so your perspective increases with the more types of opinions you become aware of. But if for one of two reasons I don't get heard, I can't talk to that person anymore. One, if they talk about themselves too much or two, too little. When people throw words at you without listening to your feedback, there's no satisfaction, because it's as if you're talking to ... a talking wall. But if someone is so secretive that they don't want to tell you anything personal or similarly they only ask you questions without answering the ones you pose, then you gain nothing. So there has to be a balance.

I once read a long time ago that the three golden rules to conversations are to 1. Ask questions 2. Listen and 3. Listen. I think that so far this has worked. If both people follow this method, you won't just be giving an interview, because you'll get asked about your opinions too: finally a balanced conversation. But not everyone follows this protocol. Does that mean stop talking to those people? Maybe some will. Well, I don't really have a solution to that so I'm just going to have to hope I meet someone who does.