the push to achievement among schools had a positive intention, but it has created many leaders and not to many follower-wannabes

When your friends are competing for who will be the first to organize a group birthday present, you know motivation is formally a disease. Our school system has been encouraging leadership roles by telling us over and over again that management is hot, management is big bucks. It's actually true; I can't remember going to an interview where I wasn't asked about past management experience. But this all means that we start to think not being a leader is being a loser. Well, most of the time you just might not be the best at everything and failing sucks. Especially thinking about how you just failed at something, that sucks. This is perfectly shown in the movie, American Beauty [1], where we see Carolyn ( Annette Bening), the wife in the movie's perfect family, after not making a real estate sale, shuts the blinds so no one can see, completely beats herself up, shuts up her crying and goes on with her life.

Ambition has modified our speech. We don't say things like "I want to get an A next time, I hope I do better" to "I'll be working to make sure I get a better grade next time", or not making judgments on our spotty records at all.

Although I like what I've recently learned from the Deception episode of Radio Lab [2], that lying to yourself in the long run, makes you a happier person. They cite a study about a swim team with people who have lots of people at the same skill level, but those who did high on the do-you-lie-to-yourself test did better in the long swim. I think the whole positive thinking movement out there takes this a bit too far. I don't know much about it, but there, people say you should be a positive thinker and say things like " I am a winner" all the time. I did read a story in Time magazine about this 'new science of happiness' though [3] and they say not all of it is just hype. For example, just writing down all the things you were able to get done in the day or thinking them helped people avoid depression in a study they cite.

Speaking of doing things, this was one of the main points in David Allen's book, Getting Things Done [4]. I read this one because I wanted to find a way to manage all the things I have to do and he believes that all the positivity crap is ... crap. To feel good, you need control of your life, by managing what you have to do, lowering your expectations and preventing yourself from feeling like a failure by doing what you need to do and not planning on saving the world every day.


[1] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169547/

[2] http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2008/02/29

[3] http://www.reflectivehappiness.com/AboutUs/TimeMagazine/

[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Allen_(author)